First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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