i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
