we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
