i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
