Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
