I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
