Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
