Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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