I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
