My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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