What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
