Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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