I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
