then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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