He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
