It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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