Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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