this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this beer tastes like vomit already
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
