my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
