Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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