was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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