When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
home. puking in laundry basket.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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