They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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