Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
