no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
All the doctor said was why
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
