Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
