Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
