if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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