I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
