No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
