That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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