You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
