his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
