Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
