U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
