Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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