I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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