Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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