even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
