dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Randomize
