Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
