So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
