Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
