I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
