Define "chronic" masturbator.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
