what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
