I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
