Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
