I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
