yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
